Right now I’m working on my first 3d work of 2018.
It’s been a long time coming, but it is fine. I have given myself time off, to breath and live. To stop pressuring myself and feel that it is fine not to be constantly perfect. Being an artist or any sort of creative is not an easy way of being, but it is who I am. Somehow although I acknowledge this power, I feel sometimes lost and not confident at all.
Constantly going to job interviews, and getting the same response has not really helped me at all. To this, I have questioned and asked myself so many questions to which I have never experienced before. Looking at things and unfocusing on me, has made me struggle again what I really want to be. What is my goal in life? Is it really this? Is this what I worked but ass off? Is this what I deserve?
Having been on schedule, on point, in time and well coordinated for the past twenty years, I feel that this is all new to me. I feel that I have constantly conditioned who I was to the system that defined me. Funnily enough, I did everything right but nothing that right. I sought to gain knowledge in places where they blind me from the real raw reality of life. Only now I acknowledge this mental paralysis that has defined me for so many years, has really changed who I am.
Taking all of this and acknowledging my pitfall, I am trying to live in the now. Forget about my worries and past battles that I have still not shaken away. I feel I sometimes live in the past and the future and never focus on the now, which I feel bad thinking about it now. I hunger to live, but I feel scared it will soon fade away. I need to understand that this is fine, and I have only now to live for. Tomorrow is nothing but a prediction, and this is what I need to think about and understand.
There is self-worth in me and I know. Although not everyone will think this about you, the person that matters is you and only you. The worth is not the many palaces you buy and the beautiful cars you drive, but it is the untouchable beauty that resides in you. I have dreams to case and birds to let loose.
People that we love will never fade away, and this is what will testify the passing of time. Only memories like this should live in me. Let go of what you can’t fix and pursue the best parts of what makes you. Kill all the insecurities and case the beautiful now with all your heart.
This expression is mine, and there is nothing wrong with it.
michelinmission I know you can find yourself again!