It’s been a long month. With all its hardships, I feel that I have opened up my eyes to new possibilities. Although it is fine that I have made mistakes, I feel that I am stronger and better than ever before. Although their might be not a lot of successful turns and developments within this year, one thing that I acknowledge that this year is providing is a sense of determination and the persistence to keep going no matter what.
It is somehow necessary for me to be part of this journey, to live these moments somehow they are pushing me to become stronger, better and most importantly acknowledging the power that I have in me. The only value that I retain is that of myself and this is a beauty that I have long forgotten about myself.
My creative pulse is alive and it will stay alive until the day mother nature takes me back into her loving hands.
Some of the things that kept me going were the fact that I accepted the time and the given moments at hand. Trying to reduce the problems and the amount of stress I gave up on seeing too much into my life and responded to just being within the present.
Away from comfort, I shall start this journey! Today was the day where I finally started planning out my year, my new chapter and my new ambitious self! All in the power to do good and be good, I have developed a well-structured timetable where I can retrain my body, my mental capabilities, and my inner peace.
Although I have scheduled something that is simple, I feel that having a simple and clear objective will provide a clear and stable conscious of the way I want to work in the coming months. Together with this I have evaluated and sought to extract the dream goal to which I want all of this to unfold on, and with the sheer commitment, I will hard to redevelop my portfolio and focus on attaining this position.
Through Learning, Hard work, Graditute, and Self Empowerment I will reach the next level of excellence.
I’m not shy to say this but I have days like today, where I feel I lost my way.
I apply for jobs, one after the other and although the majority will say that they are impressed at how many milestones and achievements I have obtained at such young age, I feel I don’t know who I am! After over 500 applications, I feel I lost it all.
This reminds me when at my 3rd grade, I felt I had nothing worth and somehow I didn’t get anything in class and was too slow to understand anything. Not only have I conquered the coming years, but I have savagely worked day and night to reach all possible milestones to be here today. Although I did have setbacks, I did struggle, I was constantly bullied, and stupidly judged, I have fought like a real fighter and really did my utmost to beat any negative vibes.
I want to get that young spirit, that wild and fearless Michelle back in my life. Life is not easy and I don’t want it easy. It will push me down and I will forcefully pull myself back up.
I am not in shape, I am not happy like this, I have an option to get this vibe out of the system and WORK back up. No matter all the No’s and rejections that I will get, I am going to work my ass off.
I will make 2018 a great year. I am going to give it my best, and I will be the wild child that will push away all the negative stance that people echo in my ears. I will push away my negative and sense of giving up into one that wants to achieve. I have lived, worked and had rough days the past two years, but I never gave up on anything I did.
There are good people, out there. I am one of them too.
Above image is from Spookiz,2016 South Korean Series with epic episodes.
This week has been a pretty crazy week, but I have built some momentum that I don’t want to loose. I’m starting soon my fish model and hopefully get cracking quickly with modelling, re-topology and developing the proper UVs for my animation.
This is a video that I came across two days ago and it really made me think of how much hard work and truly believing in yourself can actually make you become. This is all that I have been talking about, but I strongly believe that good vibes and positive attitude build up can truly enhance and develop ones internal core to become a better practitioner in this industry.
Keep your head high. Stay authentic to yourself and don’t stop.
Today I started pushing forward some of my ideas that I am going to present for my final MA thesis. It is a scary move to do, but I am hoping for the best. It is a journey that I don’t want it to end, but at the same time I look forward to getting this work done and doing my best to create something meaningful and full of good lessons for me to digest and process. After that I don’t know what my life will hold!
I am trying to understand and appreciate all the beautiful skies that are still here for me to enjoy. I have made such great friends and I can’t bear the fact that it will soon be over. I am so grateful for having had a blast time here!
Anyways I’m leaving with this today! Nothing that conceptual but rather a touch of my life and some happiness, that I find within all this work.